The "Isms" of the World

Here is our shit list of isms. Questions? Comments? Possible additions? Mail us!
Daniel Gryniewicz /
Greg Fleming /

The Plan

In the beginning was the plan.
And then came the Assumptions.
And the Assumptions were without form.
And the Plan was without substance.
And darkness was upon the face of the Workers.
And they spoke among themselves, saying,
"It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh."
And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said,
"It is a pail of dung, and none may abide the odor thereof."
And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying,
"It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong,
such that none may abide by it."
And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying,
"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."
And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another,
"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."
And the Directors then went unto the Vice-Presidents, saying unto them,
"It promotes growth, and it is very powerful."
And the Vice-Presidents went unto the President, saying unto him,
"This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigor
of the company, with powerful effects."
And the President Looked upon the Plan, and saw that it was good.
And the Plan became Policy.

This is how Shit Happens

1. Fatalism Shit happens.
2. Confucianism Confucius say, "Shit happens."
3. Taoism Shit can only happen if you're constipated.
4. Calvinism Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
5. Buddhism If shit happens, is it really shit?
6. Seventh Day Adventism Shit doesn't happen on Saturday.
7. Zen What is the sound of shit happening?
8. Hedonism There is nothing like a good shit happening.
9. Hinduism This shit happened before.
10. Mormonism This shit is going to happen again.
11. Mormonism Editors note--This has been deleted because you can't say "shit" in Utah
12. Islam If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
13. Islam If shit happens, take a hostage.
14. Iranian Fundamentalism You better stay off my shit list.
15. Moonies Only happy shit really happens.
16. Stoicism I can take this shit.
17. Protestantism Let this shit happen to someone else.
18. Catholicism Shit happens because you are BAD.
19. Judaism Why does shit always happen to us?
20. Hare Krishna Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Dong.
21. Zoroastrianism Shit happens half the time.
22. Christian Scientist This shit isn't really happening.
23. Existentialism You create your own shit and make it happen.
24. Rastafarianism Lets smoke this shit!
25. Nihilism Who gives a shit what happens?
26. Jehovah's Witnesses Knock knock. "Shit happens."
27. Agnosticism I don't know shit.
28. Southern Baptistism Shit only happens to moderates.
29. Southern Baptistism Shit will happen! Praise the Lord!
30. Unitarianism Any kind of shit you want happens.
31. Secular Humanism Shit should happen equally to everyone.
32. Analytical philosophy Define "Shit" define "Happen."
33. Panglossianism With all this shit, there must be a pony around here somewhere.
34. Atheism No shit.
35. Shakespearianism To shit, or not to shit, that is the question.
36. Akoslamism My grandfather was Big Shit.
37. Sadism I enjoy making shit happen
38. Satanism Holy Shit!
39. Energiserism It keeps shitting, and shitting, and shitting...
40. Deism Shit is nature, nature is god, so thanks for the compliment.
41. Figism Shit happens, and it's all my fault.
42. Goatism Good Morning! Shit happens.
43. Peer Pressurism Everyone's shitting, you should too.
44. Feminism Our shit is better than mens.
45. Bobbitism SHIT HAP
46. Gulliblism Did you know, "shit" isn't in the dictionary?
47. Capitalism I have more shit than you do
48. Nazism Ve haff vays uff makink sheet happen.
49. Nazism We make shit happen to Jews.
50. Communism Everyone is treated the same except for the leaders: like shit!
51. Masochism I like it when shit happens.
52. Puritanism The Scarlet S
53. Jainism Shit happens, if it don't hurt shit.
54. Monism There is only one shit.
55. Snobism
56. Theism All shit is God's shit
57. Classicism This shit is ancient.
58. Cocainism This is good shit!
59. Daltinism What color is shit?
60. Darwinism May the best shit win.
61. Dualism Good shit, bad shit
62. Egotism My shithole
63. Egotism I am the shit!
64. Exorcism Get the shit out.
65. Hitlarism Heil shit!
66. Gnosticism Good shit, bad shit
67. Hypnotism You are feeling shitty... very shitty
68. Televangelism Your tax deductable donation could make this shit stop happening.
69. Amishism This shit is good for the soil.
70. Einsteinism Shit is relative.
71. Einsteinism The faster the shit, the bigger it is.
72. Freudism Shit is a phallic symbol.
73. Freudism Sometimes shit is just shit
74. Americanism Who gives a shit?
75. Realism I think I need to take a shit.
76. Denialism What shit?
77. Lysdexiaism Happ Shitens.
78. Pink Floydism Shit a Brick
79. Snappleism Made from the best shit on earth
80. Neil Armstrongism One small shit for me, but a giant heap for mankind.
81. Politically Correctism Nutritionally Corrected Output happens.
82. Unixism Core dump happens
83. Waldoism Where is that little shit?
84. Motherism Clean up your shit
85. Ghettoism I live in a world of shit
86. Creationism And God said, "Let there be shit."
87. Xenophopianism Strange shit can't be trusted
88. Metamucilism Oh Shit!
89. Sodomism Shit packing
90. Hangoverism I feel like shit!
91. Star Warsism May the shit be with you
92. Star Warsism Use the john, Luke!
93. Star Trekism To boldly shit where no man has shit before
94. Farmism Manure
95. Gumpism Life is like a box of shit...
96. Bubbahism Fried shit, and baked shit, and shit sauce...
97. Shitism This shithead has a shitload of time on his hands.
98. Nikeism Just do shit.
99. Intellectualism Deep shit.
100. Pizzaism Shit delivered in 30 min. or less.
101. Euphemism Excrement happens
102. Old McDonaldism Here a shit; there a shit; everywhere a shit shit.
We would like to thank:

Whoever made the "Religions of the World" shirt, for the idea.
Whoever made the list that was circulating the email a few years ago
Greg Floyd, Peter Varkala, and Jon Fay--students of Reed College.
Our friends for contributions/ideas
Everyone who is mailing me with ideas. Keep it up!

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Daniel Gryniewicz /