| 1. Fatalism | Shit happens. |
| 2. Confucianism | Confucius say, "Shit happens." |
| 3. Taoism | Shit can only happen if you're constipated. |
| 4. Calvinism | Shit happens because you don't work hard enough. |
| 5. Buddhism | If shit happens, is it really shit? |
| 6. Seventh Day Adventism | Shit doesn't happen on Saturday. |
| 7. Zen | What is the sound of shit happening? |
| 8. Hedonism | There is nothing like a good shit happening. |
| 9. Hinduism | This shit happened before. |
| 10. Mormonism | This shit is going to happen again. |
| 11. Mormonism | Editors note--This has been deleted because you can't say "shit" in Utah |
| 12. Islam | If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. |
| 13. Islam | If shit happens, take a hostage. |
| 14. Iranian Fundamentalism | You better stay off my shit list. |
| 15. Moonies | Only happy shit really happens. |
| 16. Stoicism | I can take this shit. |
| 17. Protestantism | Let this shit happen to someone else. |
| 18. Catholicism | Shit happens because you are BAD. |
| 19. Judaism | Why does shit always happen to us? |
| 20. Hare Krishna | Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Dong. |
| 21. Zoroastrianism | Shit happens half the time. |
| 22. Christian Scientist | This shit isn't really happening. |
| 23. Existentialism | You create your own shit and make it happen. |
| 24. Rastafarianism | Lets smoke this shit! |
| 25. Nihilism | Who gives a shit what happens? |
| 26. Jehovah's Witnesses | Knock knock. "Shit happens." |
| 27. Agnosticism | I don't know shit. |
| 28. Southern Baptistism | Shit only happens to moderates. |
| 29. Southern Baptistism | Shit will happen! Praise the Lord! |
| 30. Unitarianism | Any kind of shit you want happens. |
| 31. Secular Humanism | Shit should happen equally to everyone. |
| 32. Analytical philosophy | Define "Shit" define "Happen." |
| 33. Panglossianism | With all this shit, there must be a pony around here somewhere. |
| 34. Atheism | No shit. |
| 35. Shakespearianism | To shit, or not to shit, that is the question. |
| 36. Akoslamism | My grandfather was Big Shit. |
| 37. Sadism | I enjoy making shit happen |
| 38. Satanism | Holy Shit! |
| 39. Energiserism | It keeps shitting, and shitting, and shitting... |
| 40. Deism | Shit is nature, nature is god, so thanks for the compliment. |
| 41. Figism | Shit happens, and it's all my fault. |
| 42. Goatism | Good Morning! Shit happens. |
| 43. Peer Pressurism | Everyone's shitting, you should too. |
| 44. Feminism | Our shit is better than mens. |
| 45. Bobbitism | SHIT HAP |
| 46. Gulliblism | Did you know, "shit" isn't in the dictionary? |
| 47. Capitalism | I have more shit than you do |
| 48. Nazism | Ve haff vays uff makink sheet happen. |
| 49. Nazism | We make shit happen to Jews. |
| 50. Communism | Everyone is treated the same except for the leaders: like shit! |
| 51. Masochism | I like it when shit happens. |
| 52. Puritanism | The Scarlet S |
| 53. Jainism | Shit happens, if it don't hurt shit. |
| 54. Monism | There is only one shit. |
| 55. Snobism | |
| 56. Theism | All shit is God's shit |
| 57. Classicism | This shit is ancient. |
| 58. Cocainism | This is good shit! |
| 59. Daltinism | What color is shit? |
| 60. Darwinism | May the best shit win. |
| 61. Dualism | Good shit, bad shit |
| 62. Egotism | My shithole |
| 63. Egotism | I am the shit! |
| 64. Exorcism | Get the shit out. |
| 65. Hitlarism | Heil shit! |
| 66. Gnosticism | Good shit, bad shit |
| 67. Hypnotism | You are feeling shitty... very shitty |
| 68. Televangelism | Your tax deductable donation could make this shit stop happening. |
| 69. Amishism | This shit is good for the soil. |
| 70. Einsteinism | Shit is relative. |
| 71. Einsteinism | The faster the shit, the bigger it is. |
| 72. Freudism | Shit is a phallic symbol. |
| 73. Freudism | Sometimes shit is just shit |
| 74. Americanism | Who gives a shit? |
| 75. Realism | I think I need to take a shit. |
| 76. Denialism | What shit? |
| 77. Lysdexiaism | Happ Shitens. |
| 78. Pink Floydism | Shit a Brick |
| 79. Snappleism | Made from the best shit on earth |
| 80. Neil Armstrongism | One small shit for me, but a giant heap for mankind. |
| 81. Politically Correctism | Nutritionally Corrected Output happens. |
| 82. Unixism | Core dump happens |
| 83. Waldoism | Where is that little shit? |
| 84. Motherism | Clean up your shit |
| 85. Ghettoism | I live in a world of shit |
| 86. Creationism | And God said, "Let there be shit." |
| 87. Xenophopianism | Strange shit can't be trusted |
| 88. Metamucilism | Oh Shit! |
| 89. Sodomism | Shit packing |
| 90. Hangoverism | I feel like shit! |
| 91. Star Warsism | May the shit be with you |
| 92. Star Warsism | Use the john, Luke! |
| 93. Star Trekism | To boldly shit where no man has shit before |
| 94. Farmism | Manure |
| 95. Gumpism | Life is like a box of shit... |
| 96. Bubbahism | Fried shit, and baked shit, and shit sauce... |
| 97. Shitism | This shithead has a shitload of time on his hands. |
| 98. Nikeism | Just do shit. |
| 99. Intellectualism | Deep shit. |
| 100. Pizzaism | Shit delivered in 30 min. or less. |
| 101. Euphemism | Excrement happens |
| 102. Old McDonaldism | Here a shit; there a shit; everywhere a shit shit. |
Whoever made the "Religions of the World" shirt, for the idea.
Whoever made the list that was circulating the email a few years ago
Greg Floyd, Peter Varkala, and Jon Fay--students of Reed College.
Our friends for contributions/ideas
Everyone who is mailing me with ideas. Keep it up!
Daniel Gryniewicz / dang@fprintf.net